It's been quite a while. It's been busy, it's been crazy, it's been happy and it's been some of the worst days and feelings of my life. I'm putting a warning on this post, you don't have to read this. I'm doing this one purely for myself. I need to process, and lately this is how I've been doing it. Maybe I should be doing this privately, I don't know. Therefore, you can stop now, I almost encourage it. God, I'm so over dramatic, it's one of my downfalls, I think.
Anyway...let's start off on a lighter note. The first couple weeks of my senior year of college have been great. I enjoy my classes, I'm finally learning and exercising my brain again in the classroom which is refreshing. One of my favorite classes this semester is BioPsyc with one of my favorite professors. She was going over the syllabus and talking about the "underpinnings" and the general outline she would like us to get out of the class. She then proceeded to tell us a story of, for lack of a better term, a dumb-ass of a student who didn't do the first assignment because, out of the whole paragraph of explanation for the paper that was due she didn't understand one word: underpinnings. I know this is a bit random, but she told us this story weeks ago, I think it's been a month now, and it really stuck with me. Sometimes it will just pop in my head and I keep going back to it, thinking to myself what the hell was that girl was thinking, or not thinking. Is this really what we are turning into? I don't even know this person and they have offended me. But aside from my professor, and maybe her parents if they actually give two shits, I'm probably the only other person in the world who is personally offended by this act of ignorance. Maybe I should really lighten up...
My apartment is great, and is slowly feeling more and more like home, especially with the new editions we have been making to really make it feel like our own. We added an old school GE record player with a collection of 56 records and counting. And it's amazing what some lights and throw blankets can do to spruce up a place (my throw blanket contribution of course being Spiderman).
My roommates are amazing, we all get along really well. I'm not complaining at all, but it's almost unbelievable how the dynamics work in the house considering there are six of us and we all fell into this living situation through friends of friends and we all didn't know each other. I'm extremely great full that it all worked out, we've been having a blast, laughing and getting to know each other, going out and recently celebrating my previous roommates 21st. Needless to say we've had some pretty memorable nights so far.
This past weekend I've been planning on going home for a while now for my sisters family birthday party and working, in my opinion, one of the best concerts of the season, Florence + the Machine. I was so excited, to see my friends, my coworkers, my family. But unfortunately it kills me to say, to type, to think, that I am being faced with one of life's milestones. If I put it into family counseling terms, my family system is being ruptured and tested right now. My underpinnings are being dislodged, so to speak, and unraveling apart.
I feel terrible, physically and mentally all the time. I feel terrible for everyone involved. I feel terrible for spilling this over to everyone I know, especially my friends, especially some of them who are dealing with mountains compared to me. I love you all, and thank you. I hope you all know how much I appreciate every single one of you, and each for a very different special reason. You are all too good for me, and just so you know, I'm here for you no matter what as well.
We all have underpinnings, we all know what they are, even that girl from the previous class...I think. When they go off track we try to set them straight again, get back to equilibrium. It's hard, and it will be different. But it is how we overcome this change that matters. I'll do my best, I'll try to be strong, for myself and everyone else. Everything changes, our underpinnings shift, but the love I have for my family and friends never will.
Si se puede.
