Where am I?

Yesterday was the one week mark being back in the States. Even though this particular journey has sadly come to a close, I decided I would like to keep this blog going. Now, it will be a post blog on my thoughts on being back and maybe some highlights of my summer. Who knows what this blog may turn into over time and what other journeys may come my way, and that, that thought really excites me. What other journeys could this mad white women get into?

Everything happened so fast. One minute I'm living my life, enjoying my life, in the beautiful city of Madrid and the next I'm saying goodbye to everyone, everything. It felt like in a blink of an eye everything I grew to love was gone, literally ripped out from under me. The next thing I knew I was sobbing, holding my friends, so desperately not wanting to let go for fear of not knowing when the next time I would see them again, if ever. The next thing I knew I was at the airport, waving goodbye to my host mom and host sister, checking my bags for an 8 hour flight back to JFK. The next thing I knew I was landed, turning on my smart phone, not knowing how to feel greeting my family with a mixture of excitement, shock and sadness. The next thing I knew I was looking out the car window at the tall buildings of New York City that I've seen many times before, but they all looked different, they looked foreign. I felt foreign in my own country. I still do sometimes.

Then there was really no time to adjust to the severe jet lag, because I was off to Rochester for my first ever wedding that wasn't a family member, a bit of a milestone that made me feel kinda old for a second. Yes, I know I'm not that old, but I realized this will be the first of many invitations to come in the mail. My friend Kevin whom I met in Oswego was tying the knot with his long time girlfriend. It was a lovely ceremony and a fun reception full of dancing and gin and tonics. It was a great mini getaway to follow a long getaway, but by the end of it I was exhausted mentally and physically.

After it was back to that Amsterdam grind. Hearing the 'welcome homes' and seeing friends again, trying to come up with fun distractions to pass the time. I don't want to sound stuck up, but coming from Madrid where we could do and plan a numerous amount of fun things for every single day without ever being bored, to Amsterdam is quite depressing.

When I say one minute I was living my life, and the next I was on a plane, I really do mean it. It was my new life, and by the end of it I was so used to that new life the sudden change left me asking myself sometimes, "Where am I?"

But I know I can't sulk in these sad feelings forever, I need to face this change with a positive attitude just like when I went into it. I learned a huge lesson, and some little ones as well, and they are coming full circle.

This is life, as cheesy and corny as that sounds, and as sad as it is to say goodbye, there are always new hellos waiting around the corner...which you eventually might have to say goodbye to...such a vicious cycle isn't it?  

I did it.

I did it. We did it. As I'm sitting here for the last time in my kitchen, drinking my last morning cafe con leche, about to leave for the airport in an hour, I can't believe this time is coming to an end. It is such a weird mix of feelings I'm not sure I'll be able to write them down. But I'll try.

Don't get me wrong, I am excited to see my friends and family. But saying goodbye to my friends, my Spanish family and this country is one of the hardest things I've had to do. It's apart of me now, apart of my life that I will never forget.

This experience itself is so hard to put into words and I'm rushing to put them down because the clock is ticking and before I know it I'll be on that plane back to the States.

I am so fortunate enough to have so many great memories here. Really, nothing bad happened during my stay here. I didn't get robbed (except if you want to count the couple of times someone tried to rip me off at a store or restaurant because they thought I was a tourist, but I set them straight), all my trips outside of Madrid went smoothly (don't want to jinx it now), my host family turned out to be amazing (we were their first exchange students, and to be from America, now that's pretty tough), and I made some absolutely incredible friends from all over the world. There are countless moments where I would be in a situation and sit back and say to myself, "Is this really happening to me? Look at us, sitting here from all parts of the world from different languages and backgrounds, forming a bond that not many people will understand."

Really the only downsides were when I got strep throat and of course, the university. CAUTION: UEM may cause laziness, lack of motivation, nausea, depression but most of all you probably wont learn very much.

I found myself in situations that were straight from a dream. Like star gazing on a roof in Granada, walking the Plaza de España in Sevilla, meeting up with old friends in Germany, England and Ireland, sitting on a beach in Mallorca and so much more. Having my friends from the States here too was really special to me as well because they got a glimpse of my life here.

Well there are really a whole bunch of things that I would like to say, but ahora I have to embark on that gran, strange journey home. This truly has been, a journey of a mad white woman.

Hasta luego.